24 October 2008
The Journey Continues
I apologize for the delay in updating on our progress…I will try to be more diligent to update about every two weeks. I think that is a reasonable goal.
Recently, I have been working on getting a second job. The one I have at Sylvan is great but I am not getting enough hours. Things are just slow there right now. So I am praying as I apply in several districts for substitute teaching positions. My goal is to have my own classroom in the 2009-2010 school year. I am thanking the Lord for my relationship with the Parsons who support me through giving me many many babysitting hours with their sweet kids! It’s such a teat!
I was able to do something very fun a few weeks ago. I went to Disneyland with my wonderful friend Ashely, whom I met in college. We had a blast riding all the rides, watching the “Billy Hill and the Hillbillies” show and taking a million picutes. It was a nice break from the mundane, and who could be sad at the “Happiest Place on Earth!” Next month I get to go to Sea World for a friend’s birthday, and that will be my first trip to Sea World. Get excited!
One way I have been dealing with the ongoing process of healing is by meeting with someone to discuss how I’m feeling about everything about once a week. The woman that I am meeting with is very sweet and we have truly grown to be friends. During our last meeting, I realized I had made some real progress. This month, I didn’t obsess over the date my mom died. For those first few months I really noticed the days passing by. I knew exactly, to the day, how long it had been, and I knew how long it would be till the next month passed. However, this month, the 18th came and went completely unnoticed by my date radar. It was so nice to have something that I felt was a tangible way of looking back over the last few months and feeling like I had moved forward in my journey. Two months ago, I could not have imagined where I would be. It’s hard to see the road ahead of you in the journey of greif. I felt for awhile that I was simply walking on a treadmill, trying to move forward but when I looked around the scenery looked the same. I realize now that it’s kind of like how the world moves around the sun. You don’t feel it, but one day you suddenly realize that it’s getting dark at 6pm. The sun doesn’t all of a sudden go down at 6 instead of 8! The sun sets a little earlier every night. The change is very slow, but steady. That is exactly how this journey is: I am moving, slowly but steadily. I may not see the changes from day to day, but I will see the mile stones pop up periodically, and those mile stones will spur me on to continue walking, knowing that I will get where I need to go, if I walk in faith.
For the most part, I don’t’ really know what kinds of trials I will have along this journey. But one I can anticipate is the holidays. Yes, even though they are still a month away, we are preparing as a family for the upcoming holiday season. My mother LOVED the holidays. She loved us spending time as a family, she loved Christmas music, she loved the food, the desserts and celebrating God’s goodness to us. We are going to miss her a lot this holiday season. I am gearing myself up for my emotions to be out of wack, but I am also determined not to ignore the holidays. I want to spend Thanksgiving, truly giving thanks for my blessings, and Christmas enjoying the celebration of my Savior’s birth. I want to balance my grief with the joy that comes from having Christ.
Thank you to all of those of you who continue to pray for my family and I. I will always need your prayers and I hope that I can continue to lift you up in prayer as you need it as well. Again, I will try to be updating more often.