10 April 2008
Thoughts As A Son…
Posted by Cliff Jr. under: Cliff Jr's Thoughts .
When I first found out that my Mom was diagnosed with Stage IV Ovarian Cancer my heart was crushed. Over the years I have been a tough son to raise and my Mom bore the brunt of my rebellion and disrespect before I became a Christian. After I became a Christian I spent years trying to repair the relationship but there was no need… my Mom loves me no matter what. When I serve her, she loves me. When I sin against her, she loves me. When I make poor decisions, she loves me. When I make the right decisions, she loves me. When I do something for God’s glory like sing or act or make a movie, she loves me. When I do something for my glory, like whine, complain or lie, she still loves me.
My heart was crushed because for the first time I realized that I could loose one of the few people on this earth that love me no matter what.
During her first major stay in the hospital I was in the midst of my first month at The Master’s College. Feel free to visit my blog to find out why that is more significant that it sounds, but trust me when I tell you that when I enrolled there I thought my greatest burden would be homework, reading and writing. But, suddenly things were turned upside down. Suddenly, as I watched my Mom struggling to breath and fighting for her life, understanding the theological implications of Genesis 3 became essential to my day to day life. Suddenly, as my Mom slowly began to regain her strength only to be hammered by the merciless side-effects of chemo, writing a paper about the role of medicine in the life of a believer had taken on new meaning.
And then there were the people that God placed into my life. My roommates, my wing-mates, my dorm-mates, my class-mates all came along side of my family and I like the pillar of cloud that protected the Hebrews from the Egyptians in Exodus.
19Then the angel of God who was going before the host of Israel moved and went behind them, and the pillar of cloud moved from before them and stood behind them, 20coming between the host of Egypt and the host of Israel. And there was the cloud and the darkness. And it lit up the night without one coming near the other all night.
-Exodus 14:19-20 (ESV)
The faculty and staff at TMC prayed for my Mom everyday in class, at lunch and in their staff meetings. Friends and faculty alike pleaded with the Lord to spare her life and to heal her. It was during that time I learned something about my prayers to the Lord. I learned that it was okay for me to pray that God would heal my Mom, just so long as I remembered that there were two possible answers to that prayer. The first answer is that God would heal my Mom here on earth and allow her more time to Glorify Him. The second answer, was that God could heal her by taking her home to heaven to spend all eternity with Him where there will be no more sickness or suffering. From that day forward I have prayed that, by the power of the Lord Jesus Christ my Mom will be healed-either here on earth, or in heaven with Him-and that I would praise God no matter what His decision will be.
I can confidently say that while I am on this journey with my Mom, I will treasure and cherish every moment that I can get with her. Despite the fact that I feel guilty for being so far away at school, she has assured me that it’s what she wants me to do, and so I will continue to endure here at TMC during these trials. But every day I get to come home, every weekend I can sneak away, every class-period that my professors allow me to miss, I will use to love, serve, encourage and cherish my Mom. Not only because I’m a Christian and it’s the Lord’s command, but because she would do the same for me as an example of her unyielding love for her son and her unwavering love for her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Do the do: James 2:17,
Cliff Ames Jr.